Sometimes chasing after your art feels like your breaking your own heart. Having this burning urge to express myself, these ideas and theories and worlds and dreams coalescing in my brain, yet lacking the discipline, sometimes the earthly words, to transmit what I see and feel in my inner-verse to the world existing in the external reality. And why do I feel the need to transmit?
We starve for this, but Art is, in the ultimate, pretentious & egotistical - created to be shared, for others to appreciate, love, accept, adore, agree with our ideas? because it only becomes art when shared (otherwise it remains in the mind as an idea) and once it leaves my head and flows through my pen or whatever medium I am using, it no longer belongs only to me, Ive let the world in, or I've let my world out. So I wonder if I am I only trying to force my perspective, (how I interpret my reality) onto others by creating art? no, its bigger than that. right. we must share in order to learn and shift and..."change". it would be more egotistical to keep it to ourselves. we must enrich the collective genius, breed brilliancy, evolve our collective identities as human beings.876
fate would mean there could be no change. i sometimes subscribe to the theory that we dont change. we will always be or become what and who we were meant to be or become. scripted actors, and all the world a stage. there is no change because there is no time and no space. Even a light beam has intention and destiny - it will always traverse the path of least distance - before it leaves its source, it knows already where it is headed and how to get there. (it is there already, and has always been, if you are willing to reassess your notions of cause and effect). Sound, too, seems to have the same ability to arrive where it should be, when it should. Like falling asleep to the background noise of a TV, where the sounds become seamlessly integrated into your dream environment, on cue, contained, part of the action.
the ancients believed that learning is merely remembering that knowledge which we already hold within us, uncovering it moment to moment through the unfolding events of our lives. keeping that in mind combined with the notion of no time...no space...we are not moving. we are not changing. everything that is has already existed, it was only in the background, not part of the present awareness. the [perceived] change = the shift of your awareness, a bringing-in-to-focus, the acknowledgement of what is already there, akin to walking into the dark room and bumping into the coffee table. Tunnel vision, information selection, confirmation biases filter out most things...there is no space, though, its all filled up, but we cant see, we dont see...
i know what i mean, as non-sensed and disjointed as it sounds, it all connects somehow. i just cant explain it right. i guess thats why i story write, or try to, at least.
no, let me retract that. i dont try. i will. or, [present-tense, only now, no change] - i do. i chase this art as it holds my free will hypnotized.
Blues
23 hours ago
