Influences - personal reminder

Flog to death or accept
This influence gives you the chance, with positive support from the quality of time, to start to look into or delve deeper into those areas of knowledge which try to give practical answers to human problems. These include not only all forms of healing but also psychology and astrology as well as areas such as sociology and education. This is a good time to go deeper into the theoretical, philosophical fundamentals of your subject. The danger of this influence lies in the intellectualization and "flogging to death" of experiences and situations which actually call for feeling or sympathy. On the wholly personal level, to do with you or someone close to you, such an approach hinders a compassionate understanding and effective acceptance of psychological realities.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Square Chiron, , exact at 04:52
activity period from 28 February 2010 to 1 March 2010


The inner dimensions
This influence signifies a concern with the very deep issues in life. Today you are interested in what goes on underneath the surface of events and phenomena, and you are willing to dig until you find out. This energy can also turn inward, which is often very profitable. It may be beneficial to be alone so that others cannot distract you from your inward search. For this reason you are likely to be attracted to subjects that reveal the inner dimensions of the psyche, such as psychology or astrology. You may encounter someone today whose ideas have a great effect upon your mind. This is a good time for learning something new, because you can allow your beliefs to be transformed by what you learn. Also you will tend to have a strong effect on other people's thinking today.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Trine Pluto, , exact at 00:13
activity period from 1 March 2010 to 2 March 2010



For the past day or so, there has definitely been an air of detachment surrounding my actions and thoughts, a dimunition of emotion and a focus on what is practical and what will be maximally productive. Detachment for me is periodical, sometimes forced by circumstance, but more often, just one of my natural states that i flow into, an oscillation from being hyper-empathetic and connected to all.... to its opposite state of indifference, relative objectivity (oxymoron), emptiness to be refilled after a period of evaluation and analysis. I am not sure if these oscillations are something that occur in everyone, or if they are peculiar to my astrological makeup. I think I am prone to swings between extreme states precisely because of the polarities in my chart - namely the polarity that exists between my Aries sun and Libra ascendant sign. These are two signs in the chart that stand exactly 180 degrees apart, complementing at points and waging battle with each other at other points. The Libra air (the beginning of Autumn) can either temper the first-sign of the Zodiac's fire or aggravate it. The sun sign in astrology, which is Aries in my chart, is representative of the ego or personality. The ascendant sign, which is Libra in my chart, is how others perceive me, how I relate to the world.

Inside, I AM (the ego) is fire and rage while outside, I AM go with the air flow.

Where Libra evokes my sense of harmony, peace, beauty, and calm, Aries strengthens my sense of ego, impulse, and self-concern. Mars/Aries is Self - I am therefore I am, and Venus/Libra represents Other - I am because We are. I am, subconsciously and consciously consumed by the struggle between Self and Other, on both the broader level and the personal level, and it is always my striving to strike balance.

For me it feels unfortunate to live with such bipolarities, but the more I learn about astrology, the more I find that charts seem to be composed in such a way as to create purposeful tensions between the planetary influences on a person's being and experiences. In other words, it is surely no coincidence that those two extremes exist in my chart, for what is living without drama and tension in Self, and the subsequent striving to change, transcend, or beat astrology at its own game by becoming a perceived better person than the one you ended up being? Lovely little cosmic jokes.

simply beautiful

There's Something About Nothing

20 Things You Didn't Know About... Nothing
by LeeAundra Temescu
From the June 2007 issue, published online June 5, 2007

1 There is vastly more nothing than something. Roughly 74 percent of the universe is “nothing,” or what physicists call dark energy; 22 percent is dark matter, particles we cannot see. Only 4 percent is baryonic matter, the stuff we call something.

2 And even something is mostly nothing. Atoms overwhelmingly consist of empty space. Matter’s solidity is an illusion caused by the electric fields created by subatomic particles.

3 There is more and more nothing every second. In 1998 astronomers measuring the expansion of the universe determined that dark energy is pushing apart the universe at an ever-accelerating speed. The discovery of nothing—and its ability to influence the fate of the cosmos—is considered the most important astronomical finding of the past decade.

4 But even nothing has a weight. The energy in dark matter is equivalent to a tiny mass; there is about one pound of dark energy in a cube of empty space 250,000 miles on each side.

5 In space, no one can hear you scream: Sound, a mechanical wave, cannot travel through a vacuum. Without matter to vibrate through, there is only silence.

6 So what if Kramer falls in a forest? Luckily, electromagnetic waves, including light and radio waves, need no medium to travel through, letting TV stations broadcast endless reruns of Seinfeld, the show about nothing.

7 Light can travel through a vacuum, but there is nothing to refract it. Alas for extraterrestrial romantics, stars do not twinkle in outer space.

8 Black holes are not holes or voids; they are the exact opposite of nothing, being the densest concentration of mass known in the universe.

9 “Zero” was first seen in cuneiform tablets written around 300 B.C. by Babylonians who used it as a placeholder (to distinguish 36 from 306 or 360, for example). The concept of zero in its mathematical sense was developed in India in the fifth century.

10 Any number divided by zero is . . . nothing, not even zero. The equation is mathematically impossible.

11 It is said that Abdülhamid II, sultan of the Ottoman Empire in the early 1900s, had censors expunge references to H2O from chemistry books because he was sure it stood for “Hamid the Second is nothing.”

12 Medieval art was mostly flat and two-dimensional until the 15th century, when the Florentine architect Filippo Brunelleschi conceived of the vanishing point, the place where parallel lines converge into nothingness. This allowed for the development of perspective in art.

13 Aristotle once wrote, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” and so did he. His complete rejection of vacuums and voids and his subsequent influence on centuries of learning prevented the adoption of the concept of zero in the Western world until around the 13th century, when Italian bankers found it to be extraordinarily useful in financial transactions.

14 Vacuums do not suck things. They create spaces into which the surrounding atmosphere pushes matter.

15 Creatio ex nihilo, the belief that the world was created out of nothing, is one of the most common themes in ancient myths and religions.

16 Current theories suggest that the universe was created out of a state of vacuum energy, that is, nothing.

17 But to a physicist there is no such thing as nothing. Empty space is instead filled with pairs of particles and antiparticles, called virtual particles, that quickly form and then, in accordance with the law of energy conservation, annihilate each other in about 10-25 second.

18 So Aristotle was right all along.

19 These virtual particles popping in and out of existence create energy. In fact, according to quantum mechanics, the energy contained in all the power plants and nuclear weapons in the world doesn’t equal the theoretical energy contained in the empty spaces between these words.

20 In other words, nothing could be the key to the theory of everything.

transits (personal reminder)

A need to be the center of attention takes hold in your life now - a craving to give and to be appreciated for your gifts. This can be an expansive, creative, and even romantic phase, a time you'll look back on with pride and fondness. A greater appreciation for things of value (and the idea of value itself) is in order now.

The emphasis is on creating more viable situations in your life. This means pulling apart the ones that no longer work for you, and restructuring things to incorporate circumstances that will ultimately satisfy you. To balance tension, enjoy a relaxing time with friends in a favorite hang out.

Illusions and delusions can wear the mask of true inspiration, so thread your way among them to the truth and don't fall for the first fantasy that comes to mind. Possibilities may evaporate as quickly as they appear, and that is for the best -- better to let them go than seize on what will not support you.

Your career, reputation, and most important personal goals receive a boost now, primarily through your own initiative and willingness to assert yourself. You feel a surge of positive energy. Superiors or people in authority will also notice you now and can help you immensely, enabling you to fulfill something you are striving for.

This is an excellent time for accomplishing all kinds of work. Your energy is high, and you have faith in your ability to achieve. Usually your health is quite good now, and this influence is extremely favorable for all kinds of physical activity. In fact it would be very bad not to be physically active, because these energies must have an outlet. If they do not, they can cause problems even when they are basically positive. Nevertheless you are in a self-assertive mood today. If you have to fight with someone to maintain your position in any matter, you will be able to do it effectively. You are not inclined to back down, although you will seek out a common ground where the two of you can agree, if there is any.

up until morning: it's all in a sense

As I sip, bitter scarlet wine drips like blood onto my lips - I leave it there so that when I lean in to kiss, the liquids co-mingle and twist with your clear, salty tears.

I imagine the tears have appeared in order to race me to the taste of chocolate upon your cheek, just a moment ahead of me, or perhaps to my benefit, to leave a dab of salty to balance out the overwhelming sweet.

Alternatively, maybe the tears are simply running to escape the body heat radiating from your skin because its so warmed up, so hot, they work to cool you down just long enough for this brief, sweeping touch.

some questions on thoughts that i'd like to answer or have answered

what is the purpose of thought? would we be any better or worse off if we did not have the ability to think, or if we didnt know that we could think? How could we, would we know that we were not thinking; can a non-thought exist and would thought be able to exist without acknowledgment? what if there were no words, how would thoughts be, what would they take the form of (some philosophers argue that thoughts can take the form of images, but i'm not convinced that word and image can be separated)?

there is no title

and I dont have any fancy words for you, nothing pretty, no rhymes, just something plain, simply I love you, wrapped and packaged like every other I love you you've ever heard, and I expect it to do the job of encompassing all of this that I feel inside but those 3 words fail to convey the intensity of these feelings; in my eyes theyre too flimsy, used too loosely, too generally applicable, and besides, the word 'love' may not even properly correspond to the speed of the beat in my chest when I'm next to you, the heat in my fingertips upon brushing your skin, it may not correspond to the sense of the blood flow rushing through my veins upon remembering your scent, so I may only hope that using the phrase serves to reconstruct at least a small piece of what I feel, "love," a common symbol that we both know the name of, can latch onto to attempt to come to some mutual agreement of meaning to represent what is not representable by language or comprehendible to man and his science, philosophy, or psychology.

A Woman with a Lost Story

A woman of about 27 years of age, she is slim, soft, sexual, and sensual. She walks with a grace that makes her appear as though she is gliding across water, even though she is merely walking across the ground like any other human. She smells of espresso and hard, peppermint candy. She exudes an energy that seems to originate from the Universe itself - as though a star had exploded and she captured and swallowed its radiance. People sense this and often find themselves captured by her, voluntarily or involuntarily. It is easy to become lost in her eyes, which seem bottomless and full of the Universe's secrets. She is extremely intelligent, but even beyond that, she seems to possess a wisdom that is centuries old, with the light of an ancient spirit embedded deep in her aura.

She is highly empathetic and empathic, which means that she is endowed with the ability to sense and read other people's emotions and feelings, remotely or in person, and absorb their feelings in such a way that she sometimes cannot distinguish or separate her own feelings from theirs. The human side of her finds this hard to deal with - she has not yet learned how to shield herself and, as a result, is prone to depression and melancholy. Her humanity and her divinity create a split consciousness within her. She often drinks alcohol heavily and smokes marijuana in order to drown out the overwhelming emotions and feelings that she is forced to absorb day in and day out. She is aware of her inner-divinity, but is on a path to discover why she has been confined to her human vessel, with all of its Earthly limitations. She uses other mind-altering drugs on occassion to tap into other modes of awareness, to step into other dimensions. She has found ways to manipulate time and space, mostly through the use of drugs. As such, she is highly experimental, which sometimes takes its toll on her human body.

She has had many lovers over the years, both male and female of all shapes, sizes, races, ethnicities, and backgrounds - she is addicted to and intrigued by the human body and human nature, while simutaneously finding humanity itself to be beneath her true, inner nature. She also possesses the power to dream lucidly and to have out-of-body experiences during her sleep. She often goes on "dream adventures," where she travels to distant planets and stars to explore their environments.

Her father was an alcoholic and died from liver disease shortly after her birth. She was mostly raised by her grandmother in New Orleans because her mother was a drug addict who lived on the streets most of the time. She saw her occassionally, usually high, but she was never angry with her, always understanding of her mother's life path, as well as her own. Possessed with maturity andwisdom from birth, she understood from an early age that she chose her parents to conceive her because they would be able to provide her with the experiences that would shape the personality of her human vessel. Her grandmother very spiritual and supersititious, and passed down her spiritual knowledge to her, which she was able to use to supplement her own ideas, experiences, and experimentations with reality.

She dwells in no "now," for any consistent amount of time - not the present, past, nor future - because she often finds herself slipping between the cracks into a space that stands outside of any concepts of time and space. She has an ability to break the time-space continuum, likely a result of prolonged drug experimentation combined with her divine nature. Any clock that she looks at is out of sync with any other, depending on her mental state. Numbers speak to her and pattern themselves into an order that begs for her decipher. She wants, more than anything in the world, to complete her journey so that she may return to a higher order. She often feels tortured, confined, and contained inside of her humanoid vessel, but she knows that she is here for the purpose of learning. Still, the alignment of the stars at the moment she took her first breath did not endow her with a sense of patience. In the meantime, she will continue to experiment until she comes across the secret that will transform her back into a beam of light.

Whenever I am asked to recall my earliest memory, it is always the same, more programmed than actually remembered. I wonder what it means, to remember, then. Its not the same as reliving, otherwise we'd be time traveling about the place all the time, although I guess we do in a sense, in our minds. If time doesnt exist, or exists subjectively, how can we travel via it and end up at any objective point upon its line that could stand as an actual physical reality? how could we pinpoint that exact cross-point of time and space?

i'm not sure if any of the above makes sense, but it was automatic writing, so i'll leave it as it is.

Louder than words, if the act of speaking doesn't suffice in its own right.

Actions speak louder, huh? Fine. Let me take the tip of my middle finger, stick it to my lips, whisper some fly shit to it, give it a kiss, pull it from my face, then poke you in your eye with it, twist it around a bit.

"Can you see how much I love you now, baby, is it clear? I know, love hurt, don't it? Yes, yes, fuck it." say my actions.


Did you hear?


the above is, word for word, an umprompted conversation that took place in my head the moment i awoke from a nap. you ever have those sort of moments? it makes me wonder what was going on on the other side before i woke up.